Weblog

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

  • Don't teach me a lesson; I've already learned.

    I feel like i'm cracking at the seams and secrets are pouring through the cracks. There is nothing I can say, I'm different than the girl I was last year. She would have climbed into bed with you, whisper the words she wished you would say into your ear and left the room without looking back. But I have realized that she wasn't strong; holding emotions inside does not make you stronger, exposing them to the world does. He has made me into this better version of myself, for that I will always be thankful.

Monday, 24 March 2008

  • Last night I had a dream of the boy who I had given up on long ago. He used to call me at three in the morning, drunk, and ask if I would sleep with him. I never did, but he was the first boy to make me feel wanted and beautiful. I had a dream of this boy last night, I saw him today in school and had the strongest urge to sleep with him. I could never do that to Shaun, we have last one year without either of us cheating, and it will not be me to break our bond, I hate that these thoughts enter my mind. I am a bad person for having them.

Saturday, 22 March 2008

  • for fun..

    001. When was the last time you kissed someone?

    thirty minutes ago


    002. How do you flush the toilet in public?
    i use the handle


    003. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
    always


    004. Name one thing you start to get tense about if you are close to running out:
    birth control


    005. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
    most people say my ex boyfriends girlfriend


    006. What is your favorite pizza topping?
    sausage


    007. Do you crack your knuckles?
    no


    008. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
    bubbly


    009. Did just mentioning that song get it stuck in your head?
    fortunately it didnt


    010. What are your super powers?
    dont have any


    011. Peppermint or spearmint?
    peppermint


    012. Where are your car keys?
    desk


    013. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
    i dont care


    014. Whats your most annoying habit?
    cracking my hip bones


    015. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it, who would it be?
    my boyfiriend's ex


    016. What is your best physical feature?
    my eyes


    017. What CD is closest to you right now?
    aventura


    018. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
    milk, eggs and raspberries


    019. Black cat in your path: bad or who cares?
    who cares


    020. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
    not since my accident


    021. What OCD qualities do you have?
    taking the fringe off notebook paper


    022. What do you do when no one is watching?
    cry


    023. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would play you?
    i dont know


    024. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
    peacefully


    025. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
    fusions


    026. What is your favorite kids movie?
    cinderilla


    027. What is in the backseat of your car right now?
    a pair of heels and dance bag


    028. What is your all time favorite sports team?
    i dont watch sports


    029. What was the last thing you threw up?
    nothing


    030. What is the best picture you have in your possession?
    picture of me and my boyfriend on the beach


    031. Have you ever had a private maid?
    nope


    032. What is the last thing you regret purchasing?
    reese bar


    033. What is your favorite episode of Roseanne?
    never watched that


    034. What is your favorite accessory?
    the pearl layered necklace my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

  • It has been so long since I have written but I find that words are meaningless. It is hard to believe a year ago everything was so different, now I have a plan. A plan to be a dance major at Roger Williams University so I will be less than 20 minutes away from him. Somehow I find that time is slipping away.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

  • I want to tell you everything will be okay. But I don't believe that myself. Last year I talked to a boy who had a girlfriend, he was attractive and sexy in that bad boy kinda way. He made me feel beautiful and wanted for the first time, even though all he talked about was fucking me on the desks at school. I think I left a part of myself with him, and even though I have found the love of my life, there is still that part of myself I can't get back. After one year...this boy is starting to talk to me again, he knows the control he possesses over me. I have dreams where I'm sitting in his lap in an empty classroom and he tries to kiss me, but I push away because I don't want to hurt Shaun. I want to talk to him, ask him how he can do this to the girl he supposedly loves, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen who I have envied for over two years now. It is because of this I don't trust men.